This summer I will...

Summer is here and it is the season I look forward to the most.  I'm not sure if it's the hot sunny weather; the laid back summer days; wearing tank tops and shorts for my "work" day; the many visits to the cottage; the extra time with my kiddos; or the freedom to go out during the day.  I think it's a little bit of everything.  Even though I L-O-V-E... LOVE summer, it is bittersweet this year as so many things are. 

This summer is definitely different.  Then again, life in general is very different.  The first day of spring was perfect by most Michiganders standards - hot, sunny, and gorgeous.  Today was another great day to kick off summer.  So much has happened between these two days.  It is still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that my sister was not here to enjoy an entire season.

To start the summer, we have kept the big kids quite busy.  A dance recital, science camp, swimming lessons, Vacation Bible School, and Tee-ball games haven't left much room for dull moments.  I guess keeping them busy keeps me from thinking too much, which isn't all bad. 

This summer I look at things differently.  I am always thinking about how Jamie would see things.  What she would do or want to be a part of.  She would have loved sitting in the bleachers at the Holland Aquatic Center watching Carter and Emma swim across the pool with huge smiles on their faces.  She would have been Carter's biggest fan at his tee-ball game.  She would have been there to tote them around from place to place or stop in on her lunch break.  Jamie would have been planning a trip to the zoo or to the beach with the kids.  She would have said, "We can do it," followed by a laugh and an eye roll pointing out how nuts we would be. 

Even though this summer feels bittersweet in so many ways, I am determined to love this season still as only my sister would want.  I will not let this tragedy define it.  I will take the kids for picnics and play dates.  I will take the kids to explore the zoo.  I will be one of the "cheerleaders" in the stands and be a taxi cab.  I will spend time with family and friends.  I will appreciate the ones I love.  I will keep going and I will continue to heal.  I will laugh and I will cry.  I will remember.


It is a new season and my mantra is "I will".

Keeping those I love close to my heart (a touching gift from a friend).